Longing to Belong

Growing up I was accustomed to frequent moves with my mom and autistic brother, Jake. We lived in the heart of Silicon Valley and keeping up with rising rent was a difficult task for my mom, who was a high school choir teacher. While we never left our town we also never stayed in one apartment or house for more than two years.

I always liked to stay at home with my mom and brother, I was very close with both of them but looking back I think a large part of me just wanted to stay at home because I knew we would not be there for long. I also realized at a young age the difficult situation my mom was in with my brother, I stayed home as much as I could to help her out with Jake, who has no verbal speaking abilities.

When I graduated high school I did not apply to college because I told myself and my family that I wanted to stay home for community college for two years to help my mom with my brother, the truth is I was scared. I was scared of being on my own and actually being in my own place and being my own person, something that I thought I wanted for so long.

I stayed at home for a year but when I saw all my friends coming home and seeing them independent I realized it was finally time for me to stop hiding and to actually leave home. The day I moved out was one of the hardest days of my life. I got to Chico and for the first month I was incredibly home sick but one day I woke up and I felt fine. I realized I was where I needed to be and I was doing what felt right. I now have a new outlook on life and I don’t want to hold myself back anymore.

I have already lived a large part of my life like Hestia, playing everything safe and never leaving home. I realize now that I currently don’t want to live my life like that. I feel like I have evolved to be more like Icarus, I love taking chances now and realize life should be filled with risks. I recently was accepted to study abroad in Prague for the summer, something that I would have never thought of doing before.